For my favorite companions..

TO:

GOD

FROM:

THE DOG

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beeper s, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

(Except in our house, the cat eats the dog's food, the cat has intimidation DOWN!)

2.. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3 I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty.

4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

(And I will try to forget I KNOW how to open it BY MYSELF!)

8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.

9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".

(And checking out whether they have the "right" tail is not OK, either!)

11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

(Even if my head is harder than the table and I look so funny when I do it!)

12.. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

(That is why we have a Porch after all!)

13. I will not throw up in the car.

(Or the kitchen and when Mom tries to get me outside, I WILL GO, someday!)

14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

(Especially not when Mom has JUST vaccumed!)

15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.

16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

And, finally, my last question...

Dear God: When I get to Heaven, may I have my testicles back?

huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7490728.stm




And they say the British have no sense of humour!!

must not throw the computer...................

I watched the 1st part of the series 4 season finale of Doctor Who, and it was a good thing one of my companions was around to keep my impulsive behavior in check because I just might have thrown the computer in total absolute bemusing wonderment at the ending (before the TO BE CONTINUED) of the episode.............






I repeat for those who havent seen this episode yet,


YOU MUST NOT THROW THE COMPUTER!!

Seven Words: or The Thinking Man's Comic is Gone...

I love words.

I thank you for hearing my words. I want to tell you something about words that I think is important. They're my work, they're my play, they're my passion. Words are all we have, really. We have thoughts but thoughts are fluid. Then we assign a word to a thought and we're stuck with that word for that thought, so be careful with words.

I like to think that the same words that hurt can heal, it is a matter of how you pick them.

There are some people that are not into all the words. There are some that would have you not use certain words. There are 400,000 words in the English language and there are 7 of them you can't say on television. What a ratio that is.399,993 to 7. They must really be bad. They'd have to be outrageous to be seperated from a group that large.

All of you over here, you 7, Bad Words.

That's what they told us they were, remember? "That's a bad word!" No bad words, bad thoughts, bad intentions, and words. You know the 7, don't you, that you can't say on television?

"Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, CockSucker, MotherFucker, and Tits"

Those are the heavy seven. Those are the ones that'll infect your soul, curve your spine, and keep the country from winning the war.

"Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, CockSucker, MotherFucker, and Tits"

Wow!

...and Tits doesn't even belong on the list. That is such a friendly sounding word. It sounds like a nickname, right? "Hey, Tits, come here,man. Hey Tits, meet Toots. Toots, Tits. Tits, Toots." It sounds like a snack, doesn't it? Yes, I know, it is a snack. I don't mean your sexist snack. I mean New Nabisco Tits!, and new Cheese Tits, CornTits,Pizza Tits, Sesame Tits, Onion Tits, Tater Tits. "Betcha Can't Eat Just One." That's true. I usually switch off. But I mean, that word does not belong on the list.

Actually none of the words belong on the list, but you can understand why some of them are there. I'm not completely insensetive to people's feelings. I can understand why some of those words got on the list, like CockSucker and MotherFucker. Those are heavyweight words. There is a lot going on there. Besides the literal translation and the emotional feeling. I mean, they're just busy words. There's a lot of syllables to contend with.

And those Ks, those are agressive sounds. They just jump out at you like "coCKsuCKer, motherfuCKer. coCKsuCKer, motherfuCKer." It's like an assualt on you.

We mentioned Shit earlier, and 2 of the other 4-letter Anglo-Saxon words are Piss and Cunt, which go together of course. A little accedental humor there. The reason that Piss and Cunt are on the list is because a long time ago, there were certain ladies that said "Those are the 2 I am not going to say. I don't mind Fuck and Shit but 'P' and 'C' are out.", which led to such stupid sentences as "Okay you fuckers, I'm going to tinkle now."

And, of course, the word Fuck. I don't really, well that's more accedental humor, I don't wanna get into that now because I think it takes to long. But I do mean that. I think the word Fuck is a very imprortant word. It is the beginning of life, yet it is a word we use to hurt one another quite often. People much wiser than I am said,"I'd rather have my son watch a film with 2 people making love than 2 people trying to kill one another. I, of course, can agree. It is a great sentence. I wish I knew who said it first. I agree with that but I like to take it a step further. I'd like to substitute the word Fuck for the word Kill in all of those movie cliches we grew up with."Okay, Sheriff, we're gonna Fuck you now, but we're gonna Fuck you slow." So maybe next year I'll have a whole fuckin' ramp on the N word. I hope so.

Those are the 7 you can never say on television, under any circumstances.

You just cannot say them ever ever ever. Not even clinically. You cannot weave them in on the panel with Doc, Ed and Johnny. I mean, it is just impossible. Forget those 7. They're out. But there are some 2-way words, those double-meaning words. Remember the ones you giggled at in sixth grade? "...And the cock CROWED 3 times" "Hey, the cock CROWED 3 times. "

Hey, it's in the bible. There are some 2-way words, like it is okay for Kirk Youdi to say "Roberto Clametti has 2 balls on him.", but he can't say "I think he hurt his balls on that play, Tony. Don't you? He's holding them. He must've hurt them, by God." and the other 2-way word that goes with that one is Prick. It's okay if it happens to your finger. You can prick your finger but don't finger your prick. No,no.


George Carlin May 12, 1937-June 22, 2008

My Mother owned Class clown when I was growing up, and being the era I grew up in, we NEVER played it when there was company over, but I remember listening to it and watching my mother laugh with abandon...

That didn't happen much, so thank you for that memory of my Mother, George!

On War:



I will miss George (nice simple, old-fashioned name for a very complicated, totally forward thinking man, the irony is one I am sure he did appreciate)...


Hopefully he won't be forgotten:









This is my most favorite George Carlin bit, and if you listen hard, and think it through, he is so very right!!!!

I got to see George Carlin in person one time and I laughed so hard!

So long, George, here's hoping Whatever Higher Power you are with now. doesn't mind laughing as much as the audience did that night!!!

Hey, George!!

You made the mainstream!! (The WallStreet Journal, of all places!!)

Sorry, Dude........






I hope you are "safe at home", too....

For Del and Phyllis

Once upon a time the colors of the world started to quarrel.

All claimed that they were the best.

The most important.

The most useful.

The favorite.

Green said: "Clearly I am the most important. I am the sign of life and of hope. I was chosen for grass, trees and leaves. Without me, all animals would die. Look over the countryside and you will see that I am in the majority."

Blue interrupted: "You only think about the earth, but consider the sky and the sea. It is the water that is the basis of life and drawn up by the clouds from the deep sea. The sky gives space and peace and serenity. Without my peace, you would all be nothing."

Yellow chuckled: "You are all so serious. I bring laughter, gaiety, and warmth into the world. The sun is yellow, the moon is yellow, the stars are yellow. Every time you look at a sunflower, the whole world starts to smile. Without me there would be no fun."

Orange started next to blow her trumpet: "I am the color of health and strength. I may be scarce, but I am precious for I serve the needs of human life. I carry the most important vitamins. Think of carrots, pumpkins, oranges, mangoes, and papayas. I don't hang around all the time, but when I fill the sky at sunrise or sunset, my beauty is so striking that no one gives another thought to any of you."

Red could stand it no longer he shouted out: "I am the ruler of all of you. I am blood - life's blood! I am the color of danger and of bravery. I am willing to fight for a cause. I bring fire into the blood. Without me, the earth would be as empty as the moon. I am the color of passion and of love, the red rose, the poinsettia and the poppy."

Purple rose up to his full height: He was very tall and spoke with great pomp: "I am the color of royalty and power. Kings, chiefs, and bishops have always chosen me for I am the sign of authority and wisdom. People do not question me! They listen and obey."

Finally Indigo spoke, much more quietly than all the others, but with just as much determination: "Think of me. I am the color of silence. You hardly notice me, but without me you all become superficial. I represent thought and reflection, twilight and deep water. You need me for balance and contrast, for prayer and inner peace."

And so the colors went on boasting, each convinced of his or her own superiority. Their quarreling became louder and louder.

Suddenly there was a startling flash of bright lightening thunder rolled and boomed.

Rain started to pour down relentlessly.

The colors crouched down in fear, drawing close to one another for comfort.

In the midst of the clamor, rain began to speak: "You foolish colors, fighting amongst yourselves, each trying to dominate the rest. Don't you know that you were each made for a special purpose, unique and different? Join hands with one another and come to me."

Doing as they were told, the colors united and joined hands.

The rain continued: "From now on, when it rains, each of you will stretch across the sky in a great bow of color as a reminder that you can all live in peace. The Rainbow is a sign of hope for tomorrow."

And so, whenever a good rain washes the world, and a Rainbow appears in the sky, let us remember to appreciate one another.

Don't know/haven't heard of Phyllis and Del??

They're getting married!!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25188169/?GT1=43001

hmmmmmmm, i was going to go to bed and THEN.........

I know better, I really do..

that last click before I promised myself I would be in bed is always the killer..

I found this on http://www.blogography.com/ here,

which led me to http://spiritofsaintlewis.blogspot.com/2008/06/stand-tall-with-pride.html here..

which led me to http://kellystern.net/2008/06/01/pride-month-daily-posts-below-this-one.aspx here...

which led me http://www.channel4.com/life/microsites/G/gayometer/gayometer.html here...

which led to me posting the above picture (which is gorgeous, don't ya think??)

Which led me to ask: " Would I shave my head?" (The answer I wanted to give was maybe, but they only allowed "Yes" or "NO WAY!") of my companions, who answered with 5 woofs and 1 "Depends" (Lot of help they are!)..

But along the way I found out I am 60% GAY (apparently that makes me a "Happy, well adjusted hetero BABE") nice to know that someone (something?) thinks I am well adjusted and a BABE!!!

So what do you say to someone who wants a coming out story and the only story you an think of is the one where you saw a man die and all you could think of was "That's how my life ends?"

I guess you leave well enough alone and say to all the Gay and Lesbians out there..

Be who you want to be because in the end we are all ashes and dust and the only real legacy we leave is the one we write ourselves..

So love who you want and love who you can and do no harm.....

It's not like you really need my permission, now is it?

And have a

Happy Pride Month!!

P.S. Apparently the fact that I don't get "offended" by 2 men kissing is one of the things that makes me well-adjusted!! So put that in your Moral Majority pipe and choke on it,

Please????

I despise "the Moral Majority", they are the cause as far as I can see for "political correctness" run amok and they have no business putting their noses in anyone's bedrooms or for that matter deciding anyone's legal, religious or "moral" positions!!

Oops, did I say that???

Why, yes, yes I did!!!

G'night Moon!!

Somedays it doesn't pay to be off..


Hurt my neck, which screwed up everything I had planned (I wanted to go to the dump, dang it) but no, I couldn't even turn my head!!! Because if you can't turn your head it makes it terribly difficult to drive!!

I like to drive, I like anticipating where to accelerate and where to slow down, I even like the slowpokes (especially if I can go round them) but I DESPISE those people who lay on their horns a SPLIT SECOND after the flipping light turns green, how many times have you seen a car come flying through the light from the opposite direction after right the light's turned??? But that dumbshit on his horn WANTS you to die for waiting that extra split moment!!


Dumass!!





Been watching Season 1 of Law and Order: SVU, Chris Meloni isn't Jerry Orbach (Mr. Orbach is my idea of an entertainer! Song and dance man, "serious" actor, a little comedy, I was so sad when he left L&O, then he died.. ) and I had forgotten that Elliot sometimes was a major tightass at home, but I always did like the chemistry between Olivia and him... And he is a mighty fine looking man!!





And I remembered why I actually started watching SUV in the 1st place: Richard Belzer was on it from the beginning!! I used to watch Homicide: Life on the streets and thought that Munch rocked!!! And then when the crossover between Homicide and L&O happened, I was in 7th heaven!!! Munch and Brisco in the same scenes!! My favorite scenes were where Munch finds out that Brisco and his "ex-wife" Gwen did the deed and Munch just couldn't handle it, Mr. Cool blew the pool game, it was awesome!!



I hate Sesame Street BUT they do have their moments:





Laundry calls, neck still hurts, wish I could use it as an excuse for laundry, but laundry isn't life threatening!!

Dumass!!